Saturday, September 29, 2007

Hospitals, clinics and acupuncture

Just recently, my aunt and my possible life-partner (if she agrees to marry in San Francisco :P) both got hospitalized around the same time (they both underwent operation). Just after one night of staying at the hospital, they both said the same thing; "I wanna go back home...". I sms-ed my "dearest" back: Don't be a big baby and let the nurses pamper you...

So I started talking with my mom about hospitalization. 21 years ago, I suffered from bronchitis and had to be hospitalized at Assunta. From what my mom told me, I think the nurses and doctors dreaded to see me, and vice versa as well. I screamed and cried at the sight of any nurses or doctors. The mission to extract the big bad ass phlegm from my lungs always failed. It wasn't easy when the kid was crying away.

I remembered asking my dad if I could leave the hospital..."Just go out for dinner only, after that come back here..." I pleaded. Mom laughed and Dad snorted. "What, you think this is a hotel? You can't go out and come back as you please." Darn.

We (present Mom and I) came up with a few theories as to why I kicked up a big fuss back then:-

1) I was still drinking from the milk bottle and had to hide to do so. Didn't want the nurses/doctors to see. Embarassed to be doing so at that age.

2) I couldn't sleep without my pacifier. Again, I was embarassed.

3) I couldn't sleep without my, not too embarassed about this one. I'm still having this problem.

4) I think they took my body temperature by sticking the thermometer up my butt (I can't really remember) or was it the boy next door? I think it was the boy next door that was tortured that way. Anyway, that probably made me dislike the nurses.

Back to the past. One day, while my mom was in the washroom, a young nurse popped her head into my room. I looked at her silently...

Nurse: *In a hushed voice* Where's Mommy?
Lil Steffi: *looks at washroom door, then back at the nurse*
Nurse: Toilet?
Lil Steffi: *Nods*
Nurse: *waves her hand* Come, let's go for your treatment.
Lil Steffi: But mommy...
Nurse: It's ok, I'll tell her later.
Lil Steffi: *thinks*
Lil Steffi: *grins* Ok...*takes nurse's hand and sneaked off with her -_-|||*

The thought of sneaking off must have been thrilling back then.

In the treatment room with oxygen tanks, Lil Steffi was sitting down quietly. I remembered (vaguely)another nurse coming in, took one look at me and looked at the other nurse in surprise. Probably surprised that the little devil isn't screaming her lungs out. Of course the nurse proudly told her how I just followed quietly. She placed the mask on my face (it's to suck out the phlegm).

Nurse: Not scared, ya?
Lil Steffi: *shakes head*
Nurse: If anything comes out, call me, okay?
Lil Steffi: *Nods*
Lil Steffi: *Sits down quietly while swinging her legs to entertain herself*

5 minutes later (approximately la)

Lil Steffi: *Tugs on nurse's uniform*
Nurse: Hm?
Lil Steffi: *Points to mask*
Nurse: Eh? Got phlegm ah?
Lil Steffi: *Nods*
Nurse: Wait ah, wait ah...*searches around excitedly*
Nurse: Spit here...*produces the kidney shaped urinal plate* -_-|||
Lil Steffi: *Spits*
Nurse: Good girl!

I think they were really happy that the mission had been accomplished, because after that, she treated me to a cup of drink. I think it was a cup of hot Milo from the vending machine.

Present time:
Mom: You know what the nurses told me?
Steffi: What?
Mom: "Oh, when the mother isn't around, she won't cry...very good girl some more..."
Steffi: *grins* I just wanted to make a big fuss, eh? I was excited at the thought of disappearing from your sight. Wondered what your expression would be like when you come out to find your daughter missing.
Mom: Aiya, they came and told me where you were.

And then...we reached our destination. Chinese doctor's clinic at Ampang.

Mom: So it's better for her to do acupuncture, right?
Doctor: Yes, yes it would be good.
Steffi: NO!!! NO NEED!!!
Mom: MUST DO! Otherwise it won't heal!
Steffi: NO! It wouldn't work! It's a torn ligament!
Mom: It'll still help!

On the bed (don't think dirty, can or not?)
Steffi: *moaning and groaning* Aiyooooo...I don't wanna do...Ahhhhhhh~~~ You always talk crap...said not painful but I remembered the pain from my first acupuncture experience, IT HURT!
Mom: Aiya, they weren't good ma...
Steffi: Aiyoooo...I don't want to do...

5 minutes later, on another bed with curtains around Steffi

Mom: You have to pull your pants down.
Steffi: I hurt my ankle, why must he poke my butt too?!!
Mom: It's all connected! Aiya, You didn't pull down enough *tugs at Steffi's pants hard*
Mom: Whoops...looks like I tore your pants.
Steffi: What lar you...Aiyoh, why must I do th...EHHHHHHHHHHH?!!! YOU RIPPED MY PANTS! How am I going to go back home afterwards?! You violent woman!!! Trying to rape me ah?! T_T
Mom: Aiyoh, I'll ask them for a safety pin, ok?

Nothing changed after 21 years.

After that the doctor came to begin the torture session. The patient next to me must have been wondering who was the noisy brat next to him. Making such a big fuss over 4 needles. I can assure you that I felt excruciating pain while he was treating me. Seriously, I'm not kidding.

Mom: Ahahaha, that girl ah, so scared of pain.
Doctor: Eh, she's not! She's considered really brave already. Many grown, big sized men freaked out, couldn't stand the pain like her.

Actually Mom and I figured this one out. Why many old folks don't react much to acupuncture.

Steffi: That's because their nerves are dead!

The guy next to me was paralyzed, he can move a bit now after frequent acupuncture treatments. I'm not paralyzed (thank god). My nerves aren't dead. Instead, my injured ankle was already aching. Sticking needles right at the center of the "pain" and twisting it...It's enough to make me wanna crush something with my hands. I told my mom to sacrifice her arm, but she quickly moved further away, how cowardly of her!

Anyway, one of the medical personnel there gave me her safety pin which she used to pin the front of her shirt.

MP: It's ok, I'll just be sexy for one day...
Steffi: Hahaha! Thanks a lot!

I tried getting up after she kindly pinned my pants for me.

Steffi: AHHHHHHHH!!! I can't move my right leg! My butt hurts! *sigh*

So...I went back home while dragging my right leg, with a safety pin securing my pants. Oh, and the way I was limping and moving? If I were a guy, people would have thought that I was a gay "bottom" who was kept busy the entire night before. When I saw my youngest aunt online that night, I couldn't help telling her...

"I had a needle up my arse." :D

(A/N: Jyrenze pointed out my many mistakes, so I have edited this post. Gomen nasai! I must pay more attention when typing next time.)